The sky is falling
All around me hero's are dying
The sky is falling and nobody will hear me
Another hero died by his own hand
The world is shaking cause all our hearts are breaking. We stand here united at your funeral but where were we when you still walked among the living?
The sky is falling
All around me another hero is suffering
The our lives will never be the same, because the images we see are burned into our memories
If I could have another moment with you I would say how much I respected you. If I could have one last second I'd say that no matter today's pain it's only temporary and an eternity away from us is no solution.
The sky has fallen and I never took that moment. All around me hero's have fallen and it took to much blood to realize there was a problem. Now we stare into the darkness of depression and face not fire but our own suffering together.
It's taken to long to realize that a hero can only take so much before it takes them to.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
In Motion
I am one fluid motion. I go from one place to the next, do what needs to be done and move on to the next. Blow some narcan up someones nose, drop an IV or 10 go home at 8pm then come back in and do it all over.
Some calls make you think, actually use clinical judgment, or at least notice the shit your stepping in reaks of GI bleed. Some calls you do on auto-piolet. Heroin overdose, narcan, scoop patient out of car and put in truck. EKG, IV and move on.
I tool this job for the experience, kinda like a drug you want the desire effects but didn't realize the side effects. The experience came and so did a lot more. I really can put an IV in anyone at any time. I know PCP before I got out of the truck.
I am one fluid motion from 0800 to 2000. I am a paramedic thus I require no sleep, I never have to urinate, or eat. I am never stressed by my job, and am never personally effected by the things I see.
Some calls make you think, actually use clinical judgment, or at least notice the shit your stepping in reaks of GI bleed. Some calls you do on auto-piolet. Heroin overdose, narcan, scoop patient out of car and put in truck. EKG, IV and move on.
I tool this job for the experience, kinda like a drug you want the desire effects but didn't realize the side effects. The experience came and so did a lot more. I really can put an IV in anyone at any time. I know PCP before I got out of the truck.
I am one fluid motion from 0800 to 2000. I am a paramedic thus I require no sleep, I never have to urinate, or eat. I am never stressed by my job, and am never personally effected by the things I see.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Little Things
I look for the little thing in each shift, looking for the one victory I can claim. Maybe one person who I made a difference with, connected with or helped in some way.
It takes a lot of looking sometimes because each day is filled with so much garbage. Garbage like the liter that covers these streets staining any hope this struggling community has. The liter isn't going to kill but it's an outward expression of the overall attitude that exists here. Just like the constant parade of nonsense through my ambulance is slowly eating away at me.
In the one twelve hour shift the person, or family as a whole I made that needed connection with was a hospice case. Opposite of our nature to swoop in and take you to a hospital, in this case it wasn't. What needed to happen and did was to reassure the family, calm them down, remind them that the patient was dying, and the best place for him to do that was in HIS bed in HIS home with HIS family. While this took place, juggle a few phone calls with the hospice service and wait with the family until a nurse arrived.
What a path I've chosen...
It takes a lot of looking sometimes because each day is filled with so much garbage. Garbage like the liter that covers these streets staining any hope this struggling community has. The liter isn't going to kill but it's an outward expression of the overall attitude that exists here. Just like the constant parade of nonsense through my ambulance is slowly eating away at me.
In the one twelve hour shift the person, or family as a whole I made that needed connection with was a hospice case. Opposite of our nature to swoop in and take you to a hospital, in this case it wasn't. What needed to happen and did was to reassure the family, calm them down, remind them that the patient was dying, and the best place for him to do that was in HIS bed in HIS home with HIS family. While this took place, juggle a few phone calls with the hospice service and wait with the family until a nurse arrived.
What a path I've chosen...
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Seperate Ways (repost from 8/2007)
Fires rarely burn in the middle of the evening, sometimes in the morning but mostly at night. Twice in the last week our fire department has been out to a neighboring town for house fires, seems that department always likes to burn things in couples. More then a week ago though a serious fire broke out in the local of one of the departments I’ve spent a lot of time at through school. At about two in the morning they responded to a middle of the row dwelling with heavy fire in the first floor. The ambulance arrived, assistance chief and within a few minuets the first in engine made the attack through the front door. It wouldn’t take long for disaster to strike as they were fighting the fire the second floor came down on the engine company trapping two firefighters very close to my age. Other crews arrived and worked for something like ten minuets to extricate both of the firefighters. In such a short period of time everything had turned dark and medic units from that department and our city truck were en route to the hospital with the injured hero’s. As the fire took hold the second alarm and cover companies would involve almost half the county, apart of that group was my preceptor Brad who ended up hospitalized overnight. Even in the midst of tragedy, as each call comes in the trucks still roll and we pick up the pieces and move with each passing day.
Introduction Song: “My City of Ruin” –Bruce Springsteen
The flames would eventually be subdued and as the sun rose it was clear these two brother firefighters would have a long battle in the burn center for survival. The outpouring from the community was stunning, and only fitting for the tragedy that took place to such a close knit fire department. Firefighters always regard others they work with on the job as brothers and sisters but in this department like many others there are real family ties. The two injured firefighters have made it almost a week now after being seriously burned, still every night we pray for them, there families and the department. Two days after the fire I arrived for what would be my day and night as a paramedic student. A dark cloud hung over the entire area as everyone still tried to reconcile what took place in there own minds. I came with donuts for the day crew, just like I had done my last shift at Hahnemann. Day shift yielded only seven or eight calls, with only one really memorable call. Evan has found his way back to the street riding with his preceptor we ended up backing them up on the east side of the city for what looked like a GI bleed. Labs at the hospital eventually found it to be a Tylenol overdose. The fifties year old female was unconscious on the floor of her house, dry blood everywhere she was nasally intubated on our arrival and received fluids up to the point where she got blood in the hospital and a bed in intensive care. This mundane day shift rolled right into the night and my final twelve hours with Doug and Ramona.
Segue Song: “When You Were Young” –The Killers
My last night was filled with a meteor shower and strangest patients the stars could bring to the street. But before it was all over I joined the crew from the department with the injured firefighters for a combative diabetic. When it was all said and done this one stubborn made who had been hyperglycemic all week and was severely hypertensive had garnered the attention of three ambulances, seven police officers and our supervisor. I came downstairs to the sounds of shift change, quietly gathered my belonging and made my way out. The billboard on the left side of the day room my note hung “1089 Hours, 125 shifts, 9 Cardiac Arrests, 1 Nickname, Being Signed Off=Priceless. Thanks to everyone for your help” In the bays in front of one of the medic units Doug, Ramona and I had my final conversation as a student over there morning cigarette. A couple words of advice about going forward, about getting a job and of congratulations. Then finally came the hand shake from Doug, hug from Ramona and I was finished. I pulled out of the station, passed the hospital on the right. As I drove memories of the last eight months unfolded before me. Nights where we went chasing through the streets in the green and white ambulance with shootings, cardiac arrests, and the more mundane calls for tooth pain are burned into my mind. I passed the hospital and made the left onto the highway where other memories of standing on the highway pulling people from wreaked cars and days in the rain, snow, heat and cold. Heading towards home this Tuesday morning I drifted into the flow of traffic looking back in my rear view mirror the little city behind me. I dream of returning here as an employee but until then the road ahead leads to National Registry’s practical and written exams.
Segue Song II: “Strait Lines” –Silverchair
Jeff, Paula and I gathered again this Wednesday for what may be our last Wednesday together before the coming semester takes us our separate ways. As awkward as the week before had been we are all starting to get comfortable with the way things have unfolded in this friendship, relationship, or threesome as her mother called it. Looking back at the weeks after this point last year I’m no looking forward to that lonely feeling once people leave. We’ve already had a bunch of people leave work for school, and the revolving door of employees makes every shift interesting. Another new menu has the customers struggling to count to three. Go figure that even putting pictures of food on the menu is too complicated for people to understand. Some days are better for others for money but for now it’s plenty to get by until the point where I can move on to bigger and better things in the real world.
After being cut lose from ride time a few thoughts come to mind, mainly what the heck do I do now? I had spent over a thousand hours and something like three or four days a week at the least each week. Within my first few days back I had already been to more fire calls then the entire past month. I considered adding more shifts at the apple but don’t want to get too distracted from the coming tests. So between calls, studying, and working I’ve spent time making lists of prospective places to apply, putting my resume together and wondering where and what the future will be like. Jeff will be returning to school within the next few days and Paula back to Delaware not soon after. Michelle and the remaining crew at Pearle have finally moved to a new store on the mall. Once a rumor it has now materialized long after many of us have gone our separate ways. The scary possibility exists that I have parted ways from Doug, Brad and Ramona as well but my best efforts will be to get back there. I talked to Brad this morning about when I’m planning to test and right now the closest test is in Virginia around the middle of September. Such a long journey through ride time came to a rather anticlimactic ending but the real challenge in the road to registry is still to come.
Episode Song: “The Rising” –Bruce Springsteen
Today’s Five Points
5-“he done fell out” or is just drunk?
4-this is too far into the jail for my comfort
3-is it that hard to pick three things?
2-$350 in gas in July
1-Pray for the injured Parkside Firefighters
Introduction Song: “My City of Ruin” –Bruce Springsteen
The flames would eventually be subdued and as the sun rose it was clear these two brother firefighters would have a long battle in the burn center for survival. The outpouring from the community was stunning, and only fitting for the tragedy that took place to such a close knit fire department. Firefighters always regard others they work with on the job as brothers and sisters but in this department like many others there are real family ties. The two injured firefighters have made it almost a week now after being seriously burned, still every night we pray for them, there families and the department. Two days after the fire I arrived for what would be my day and night as a paramedic student. A dark cloud hung over the entire area as everyone still tried to reconcile what took place in there own minds. I came with donuts for the day crew, just like I had done my last shift at Hahnemann. Day shift yielded only seven or eight calls, with only one really memorable call. Evan has found his way back to the street riding with his preceptor we ended up backing them up on the east side of the city for what looked like a GI bleed. Labs at the hospital eventually found it to be a Tylenol overdose. The fifties year old female was unconscious on the floor of her house, dry blood everywhere she was nasally intubated on our arrival and received fluids up to the point where she got blood in the hospital and a bed in intensive care. This mundane day shift rolled right into the night and my final twelve hours with Doug and Ramona.
Segue Song: “When You Were Young” –The Killers
My last night was filled with a meteor shower and strangest patients the stars could bring to the street. But before it was all over I joined the crew from the department with the injured firefighters for a combative diabetic. When it was all said and done this one stubborn made who had been hyperglycemic all week and was severely hypertensive had garnered the attention of three ambulances, seven police officers and our supervisor. I came downstairs to the sounds of shift change, quietly gathered my belonging and made my way out. The billboard on the left side of the day room my note hung “1089 Hours, 125 shifts, 9 Cardiac Arrests, 1 Nickname, Being Signed Off=Priceless. Thanks to everyone for your help” In the bays in front of one of the medic units Doug, Ramona and I had my final conversation as a student over there morning cigarette. A couple words of advice about going forward, about getting a job and of congratulations. Then finally came the hand shake from Doug, hug from Ramona and I was finished. I pulled out of the station, passed the hospital on the right. As I drove memories of the last eight months unfolded before me. Nights where we went chasing through the streets in the green and white ambulance with shootings, cardiac arrests, and the more mundane calls for tooth pain are burned into my mind. I passed the hospital and made the left onto the highway where other memories of standing on the highway pulling people from wreaked cars and days in the rain, snow, heat and cold. Heading towards home this Tuesday morning I drifted into the flow of traffic looking back in my rear view mirror the little city behind me. I dream of returning here as an employee but until then the road ahead leads to National Registry’s practical and written exams.
Segue Song II: “Strait Lines” –Silverchair
Jeff, Paula and I gathered again this Wednesday for what may be our last Wednesday together before the coming semester takes us our separate ways. As awkward as the week before had been we are all starting to get comfortable with the way things have unfolded in this friendship, relationship, or threesome as her mother called it. Looking back at the weeks after this point last year I’m no looking forward to that lonely feeling once people leave. We’ve already had a bunch of people leave work for school, and the revolving door of employees makes every shift interesting. Another new menu has the customers struggling to count to three. Go figure that even putting pictures of food on the menu is too complicated for people to understand. Some days are better for others for money but for now it’s plenty to get by until the point where I can move on to bigger and better things in the real world.
After being cut lose from ride time a few thoughts come to mind, mainly what the heck do I do now? I had spent over a thousand hours and something like three or four days a week at the least each week. Within my first few days back I had already been to more fire calls then the entire past month. I considered adding more shifts at the apple but don’t want to get too distracted from the coming tests. So between calls, studying, and working I’ve spent time making lists of prospective places to apply, putting my resume together and wondering where and what the future will be like. Jeff will be returning to school within the next few days and Paula back to Delaware not soon after. Michelle and the remaining crew at Pearle have finally moved to a new store on the mall. Once a rumor it has now materialized long after many of us have gone our separate ways. The scary possibility exists that I have parted ways from Doug, Brad and Ramona as well but my best efforts will be to get back there. I talked to Brad this morning about when I’m planning to test and right now the closest test is in Virginia around the middle of September. Such a long journey through ride time came to a rather anticlimactic ending but the real challenge in the road to registry is still to come.
Episode Song: “The Rising” –Bruce Springsteen
Today’s Five Points
5-“he done fell out” or is just drunk?
4-this is too far into the jail for my comfort
3-is it that hard to pick three things?
2-$350 in gas in July
1-Pray for the injured Parkside Firefighters
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fear
It's a feeling deep in your abdomen. When something happens and your not just in danger, but staring at it face to face. The face on the other side was a well-built man three years younger then me high on PCP and swinging wildy at anything he can hit. Luckly he hits no one, in fact the police get him, taze him and 10mg of valium later we win the fight like we usually do.
A man not more then two years found dead by a neighbor, suicide the cause. All these things images that will hide themselves deep in my mind, only to reappear when you least want them to. I don't know if I can call what we do a "calling" but to me its more a journey then a job. Because we never know what each day will bring, and as we learned ten years ago at any moment our lives can come crashing down around us.
A man not more then two years found dead by a neighbor, suicide the cause. All these things images that will hide themselves deep in my mind, only to reappear when you least want them to. I don't know if I can call what we do a "calling" but to me its more a journey then a job. Because we never know what each day will bring, and as we learned ten years ago at any moment our lives can come crashing down around us.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Caught In The Moment
In this moment I am staring down the throat of a cardiac arrest patient trying to sneak the tube into the trachea. It lasts for probably 10 seconds but at that moment the whole room pauses.
In this moment I am trying to snag an IV on a suspected stroke patient who is nearing the end of the tpa window. I do most IV's before we start transport but this time I'm half challenging myself and half saving time.
In this moment, not a day since the last tube I'm elbow deep in an airway and like most times I come sucessful. Two squads, four medics and one trauma code, just another night in the big city.
In this moment I am trying to snag an IV on a suspected stroke patient who is nearing the end of the tpa window. I do most IV's before we start transport but this time I'm half challenging myself and half saving time.
In this moment, not a day since the last tube I'm elbow deep in an airway and like most times I come sucessful. Two squads, four medics and one trauma code, just another night in the big city.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Night
9/3/2011
Will it ever be the same, or at least come close? Ask Dave Matthews asked "what will become of me?" I can't predict the future and and while I try and plan for it and all its plot twists there is only so much that can be done.
What I do know is these "EMS Rotations" are going to make or break alot of us. I submitted my memo, and submitted it with a "partner preference" who just happened to be my replacement at Medic 7. While the memo was written with my hand as it leavs me it now becomes totally out of my hands.
Future aside, tonight I'm repaying Jenn on an MXT and back for one night with my old partner. Friday night of a holiday weekend, and what more could you ask for? Start the night off with a baracaded male, had a stabbing downtown, and as expected a drunk college student. This was nights at itsl best, or basically the oppsite of everything that happens on days.
Around 0300 we were dispatched to a medical alarm at a independent sr.building and found a patient on hospice, alone and unable to help himself anymore. We worked our way through the hospice med kit, and spent the next two hours making him comfortable while waiting for the on call hospice nurse to arrive. I didn't think the patient would die tonight, but nobody should be alone when death was so near.
I wrote nearly two years ago how some of the calls we get in the city we'd only get here. While thats not totally true, the volume of calls makes it seem that way. The average life span of an urban paramedic is 5 years which means I may only have two years left. But, no matter what happens in the near and distant future this has ben one hell of a dance with life and death.
Will it ever be the same, or at least come close? Ask Dave Matthews asked "what will become of me?" I can't predict the future and and while I try and plan for it and all its plot twists there is only so much that can be done.
What I do know is these "EMS Rotations" are going to make or break alot of us. I submitted my memo, and submitted it with a "partner preference" who just happened to be my replacement at Medic 7. While the memo was written with my hand as it leavs me it now becomes totally out of my hands.
Future aside, tonight I'm repaying Jenn on an MXT and back for one night with my old partner. Friday night of a holiday weekend, and what more could you ask for? Start the night off with a baracaded male, had a stabbing downtown, and as expected a drunk college student. This was nights at itsl best, or basically the oppsite of everything that happens on days.
Around 0300 we were dispatched to a medical alarm at a independent sr.building and found a patient on hospice, alone and unable to help himself anymore. We worked our way through the hospice med kit, and spent the next two hours making him comfortable while waiting for the on call hospice nurse to arrive. I didn't think the patient would die tonight, but nobody should be alone when death was so near.
I wrote nearly two years ago how some of the calls we get in the city we'd only get here. While thats not totally true, the volume of calls makes it seem that way. The average life span of an urban paramedic is 5 years which means I may only have two years left. But, no matter what happens in the near and distant future this has ben one hell of a dance with life and death.
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